The hardest thing with depression is that outside of clinical speak, there isn’t a set standard on how it impacts every individual from a “feels” standpoint. I have been asked this question multiple times, “What does depression feel like?”. This is almost an impossible task because the way depression makes ME feel could be quite different than how it makes others suffering from it feel.
After pondering for years on how it strictly affects me, I will take a swing at it from my viewpoint to put the “feeling” into wording below:
Depression is like a dark street and you’re all alone on it. There is absolutely no light anywhere as you begin your arduous journey walking in search of anything. There are no other people, no animals, and no movement. You’re familiar with the street because you have seen it a million times, its hauntingly alone and empty. No detail has changed since the last time you journeyed up it a day, a week, or a month ago. After walking for what seems like an eternity, you spot a flickering light ahead. The light source is a dim street light casting a conical of weak yellow and orange light. You’re exhausted, but you haven’t traveled far at all.
As you continue to get closer to the light, you feel the warmth and the safeness being radiated from the street light’s weak haze. You are so feeble from the steep climb that your legs no longer work like they should. You begin to crawl, that crawl becomes a drag as you inch your way just to reach this street light. Even though this light should have been replaced decades ago and the ballast gives off an annoying hum, to you this street light is the brightest lighthouse saving you from the rocks below the surf break that you can’t see.
With herculean effort you finally make it next to that weak yellow and orange light as you cautiously put your hand in it. Once in, your hand begins to tingle and you feel sensations that are new and foreign. You begin to feel warmth, fulfillment, and relief. You ease your head into the light, you begin to feel love, peace, and happiness. You are so ready for those things, you are so ready to heal. With one last mighty effort you push your entire body under the street light.
As soon as the last molecular part of your being makes it into the moon-like light being cast upon the street, the street light starts to flicker. The humming from the ballast in the lamp slowly dies as does the light it emits. The warmth goes away and the feeling of love abruptly stops. The feelings of peace and happiness are vehemently replaced by anger and turbulence. And much to your dismay the next street light all the way down at the end of the road lights up and its weak cast of light begins calling for you. The journey down that same dark street starts all over again, over and over for eternity.
Darren Deason 10/29/2019
Phoenix From Words 